Hello again. This is, what, day four? I can hardly believe that I've been compelled to write daily. Maybe it's because I've been spending so much time reading. I'm unsure if I've expressed my thoughts of how I dislike this place and have a foreboding feeling and such. I'm sure I have, it's been consuming much of my off time. Yesterday, walking home from work - the whole one minute walk, I began berating myself verbally. It would have been an odd sight to witness, I'm sure. You see, I realized my problem. It has nothing to do with this place, these people, the fact that there are now ten people on location. It was just me, I had the issue. I was doing the one thing that drives me most nuts, I just simply wouldn't give this place a shot. Give it it's own fair chance before condemning it.
Today, then, I went to work with a fresh outlook and a legitimate smile. All in all, this place really isn't bad. It's fun being able to cook whatever I feel like. I grated potatoes so I could make hash browns - or stuffed hash browns! Just cuz I wanted to. I got Matt (my manager) to put yeast on the list of hopefully things to get so I could make bread. I'm cooking for ten people. Such small quantities make anything easy to make in the time allotted. I'm also cooking off simply what we have right now - which is a fun challenge for me. Matt mentioned he put Andouilli sausage on the 'hopeful' list, and I said "cool! Gumbo!" and he got enthusiastic for my idea and added frozen shrimp. It's kind of cool. Matt and Monika are the two I've been working with most, but I get along great with both of them and with Kelli.
The interesting thing I found today is that I seem to be an enigma to the rest - to the matinence crew. To everyone out there that knows me, I'm sure you know me as a loud personality, but you have to admit I have my quiet streaks - especially around those I don't know well. I am an introvert, and I can be quite shy. Chris would tell me that "it doesn't become me" and he may be right, but he's not here to coax me out of my shell. So, when they all sat around me at lunch, I didn't automatically join in their conversations necessarily. And, when there turned to be several long - comfortable, I thought - silences, I turned inward. I began to contemplate the rest of my day, the day tomorrow, things I needed to work, etc. I know my face gets either dreamy or serious when I do this, so I wasn't surprised when I caught the shared look and shrug amongst all four of the guys sitting next to me. I was rather amused by it. I don't mean to be an enigma, and I don't mean to. I don't try to be the odd man out, it's just how I work. They are all nice guys, I just have nothing to say. If they want to get to know me they can have a conversation with me, they can walk through the EDR and watch me sing to myself, I don't care. I don't know if they've written me off, but I'm sure I'll be a bit of a puzzle for a while. I don't mind - keeps 'em on their toes. :)
We all, after all, need something to keep us on our toes. It's good for us.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Observations
Today I am at the end of my weekend. Sitting propped up against the headboard of my bed alone for the first time in over 24 hours, I'm compelled to write. I have had no extraordinary experience to speak of, just great fun seeing old faces for the first time in months. Talking, joking, reminiscing, hugging, laughing. It was a good time. I stayed so long I had to stay the night as I didn't like the concept of driving back to Canyon after dark.
On my way home, alone with my car, my music, and my thoughts I suppose is when my contemplative mood kicked in. Thinking on all the things I heard this weekend. All the reasons people came, reasons people stayed.
I am not an outdoors man, I don't hike avidly. I don't take pictures and capture life frame by frame. I simply admire beauty. Therefore I am here. I came once and was caught by the beauty of just casually looking around. Just glancing up from one's book or meal or job or computer or cell phone one is instantly grabbed and captivated by beauty. Even once you "get used to it" at the very least it always makes you smile.
I am not a social butterfly, but I also don't lock myself in my room all the time. The people are enthralling. Whether it's the strange almost-instant comradarie amongst co-workers and friends or the common ground that brings everyone together and makes everyone get along at least moderately amongst tourists. Yellowstone is magic. I don't often "instantly click" with many people. And yet year after year here you become at LEAST part-time friends with so many people. This place allows and even prompts you for some reason to let people in and get a little close. It makes tourists, for all their general stupidity, generally come together and be nice to each other. They are all here in a basic celebration of the beauty they are surrounded by, and on some level they all accept that in that aspect they are all alike.
No matter which location you call home, no matter which company you work for here, no matter how long your stay is for all of us have such a huge (2.2 million acre, right?) common ground that all differences can be put aside, at least for the most part and at least for just a time. It's incredible.
There are so many reasons to come here. So many reasons to stay. And so much to take away with you when you decide to leave. So to all who have visited to work or to play - or both - good for you.
On my way home, alone with my car, my music, and my thoughts I suppose is when my contemplative mood kicked in. Thinking on all the things I heard this weekend. All the reasons people came, reasons people stayed.
I am not an outdoors man, I don't hike avidly. I don't take pictures and capture life frame by frame. I simply admire beauty. Therefore I am here. I came once and was caught by the beauty of just casually looking around. Just glancing up from one's book or meal or job or computer or cell phone one is instantly grabbed and captivated by beauty. Even once you "get used to it" at the very least it always makes you smile.
I am not a social butterfly, but I also don't lock myself in my room all the time. The people are enthralling. Whether it's the strange almost-instant comradarie amongst co-workers and friends or the common ground that brings everyone together and makes everyone get along at least moderately amongst tourists. Yellowstone is magic. I don't often "instantly click" with many people. And yet year after year here you become at LEAST part-time friends with so many people. This place allows and even prompts you for some reason to let people in and get a little close. It makes tourists, for all their general stupidity, generally come together and be nice to each other. They are all here in a basic celebration of the beauty they are surrounded by, and on some level they all accept that in that aspect they are all alike.
No matter which location you call home, no matter which company you work for here, no matter how long your stay is for all of us have such a huge (2.2 million acre, right?) common ground that all differences can be put aside, at least for the most part and at least for just a time. It's incredible.
There are so many reasons to come here. So many reasons to stay. And so much to take away with you when you decide to leave. So to all who have visited to work or to play - or both - good for you.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Second day update
Today I almost did not decide to so ramble at the computer. Until I remembered how I rambled yesterday. How - still justifiably I believe - negatively I rambled. That alone demanded I follow up and tell how the next day went.
Only one work-day later, not even a full 24 hours, I feel much better about life. I'm still not through the roof, but I'm better. I'm no longer fantasizing about asking for a transfer to OFI.
There are now five EDR people, including myself and Matt. Kelli - a girl who was here for the end of yesterday. Shirley - an older lady who is very enthusiastic. Monika - who will be the pub lead and has been in the Canyon kitchen in one form or another for three years - this will be her fourth. All of them are nice, all of them are easy enough to work with. I think the sheer addition of people eased my anxiety. Now the work load is shared, and we know what we're doing. Things come easier. We have a schedule. I have tomorrow and the next day off. Then I work mostly EDR crew breakfasts, only cooking on Matt's days off. That's fine by me. I like waking up early. I'm nervous about starting the place up but I know I'm capable.
Things are, all in all, much better. I don't automatically know everything like I do in the OFI, and I don't automatically know the working dynamic with people like I do with the people there. That was home. This is an adventure. And I'm sure by the end of the season, this could well be home instead. It's all good - to me, ultimately, the park is home. Bozeman and Jackson are my favorite towns. I'll be okay as long as I'm in Yellowstone.
My key doesn't unlock my door. I left it unlocked. Canyon people are just nice. Right now pre-season it's such a close community that no one would even think of rifling through or stealing my stuff. I entered my room and it was untouched. I don't expect problems until the masses come through. But before they get here personelle has to, and so by then I'll have my room, and a key that works. The biggest downside is that they won't get here for a week, approximately. Or so the girls and I guess. I don't want to unload everything just to have to load it up again. Heck, I don't want to have to haul it all through the snow into the room until it's THE room. I'm hoping by then enough snow will have melted to make life easier. So I'm going to go out - as soon as this is done - and unload only a bag or two. Just enough to make life really liveable. My giant suitcase I had to open for the sake of my work shoes and I'm not sure how it's going to close again in my car but it'll have to. I'm not unloading it, however. Just in case I don't even end up in the dorm I'm in right now.
I'm still tired. Sore. But life is okay. Not super fantastic yet. But it has potential. I think tomorrow I'm going to drive down to Old Faithful. See the people. Potentially stay the night since I don't have to work the next day. Enjoy my old home. I miss it. More than I thought I would. I had this idea in my head that I was connected to Yellowstone, not Old Faithful. But the villages inside the park are so much like their own towns, they are their own communities. And just like Portland would never be home to a Salem person, even though they're not an hour apart and still all in Oregon.... It just doesn't matter, does it?
Now, I'm off to organize this room and bring in a bit more life.
Only one work-day later, not even a full 24 hours, I feel much better about life. I'm still not through the roof, but I'm better. I'm no longer fantasizing about asking for a transfer to OFI.
There are now five EDR people, including myself and Matt. Kelli - a girl who was here for the end of yesterday. Shirley - an older lady who is very enthusiastic. Monika - who will be the pub lead and has been in the Canyon kitchen in one form or another for three years - this will be her fourth. All of them are nice, all of them are easy enough to work with. I think the sheer addition of people eased my anxiety. Now the work load is shared, and we know what we're doing. Things come easier. We have a schedule. I have tomorrow and the next day off. Then I work mostly EDR crew breakfasts, only cooking on Matt's days off. That's fine by me. I like waking up early. I'm nervous about starting the place up but I know I'm capable.
Things are, all in all, much better. I don't automatically know everything like I do in the OFI, and I don't automatically know the working dynamic with people like I do with the people there. That was home. This is an adventure. And I'm sure by the end of the season, this could well be home instead. It's all good - to me, ultimately, the park is home. Bozeman and Jackson are my favorite towns. I'll be okay as long as I'm in Yellowstone.
My key doesn't unlock my door. I left it unlocked. Canyon people are just nice. Right now pre-season it's such a close community that no one would even think of rifling through or stealing my stuff. I entered my room and it was untouched. I don't expect problems until the masses come through. But before they get here personelle has to, and so by then I'll have my room, and a key that works. The biggest downside is that they won't get here for a week, approximately. Or so the girls and I guess. I don't want to unload everything just to have to load it up again. Heck, I don't want to have to haul it all through the snow into the room until it's THE room. I'm hoping by then enough snow will have melted to make life easier. So I'm going to go out - as soon as this is done - and unload only a bag or two. Just enough to make life really liveable. My giant suitcase I had to open for the sake of my work shoes and I'm not sure how it's going to close again in my car but it'll have to. I'm not unloading it, however. Just in case I don't even end up in the dorm I'm in right now.
I'm still tired. Sore. But life is okay. Not super fantastic yet. But it has potential. I think tomorrow I'm going to drive down to Old Faithful. See the people. Potentially stay the night since I don't have to work the next day. Enjoy my old home. I miss it. More than I thought I would. I had this idea in my head that I was connected to Yellowstone, not Old Faithful. But the villages inside the park are so much like their own towns, they are their own communities. And just like Portland would never be home to a Salem person, even though they're not an hour apart and still all in Oregon.... It just doesn't matter, does it?
Now, I'm off to organize this room and bring in a bit more life.
First day unlike any other.....
I have never felt so compelled to start writing a blog. Perhaps it's due to the sheer lack of internet here, the inability to share, that makes me want to do just that. Perhaps it was my first day today. Completely unlike anything I'd imagined it'd be.
This is my third season. I've had a "check in day" twice now. For two different positions. They were both quite similar. Go through Gardiner and get your paperwork done, my first year I had orientation in Mammoth, but I don't HAVE to if I don't CHOOSE to now.... Continue on to your location, check in with personell and get a room. Unpack as much as possible until you need to report for work, eat, go home and unpack, explore, etc. Reporting for work is a mere meet and greet and perhaps a bit of paperwork. Then, the next day, "training". More paperwork, videos and tests and lectures.... Finally, someone signs off that you're capable of working in a kitchen and learning to do your job without killing yourself. Then you're handed over to your manager and you learn what you're going to be actually DOING for the next six months until you're contract is up, and you dig in. It's a bit like the first few days of school... predictable, slightly boring, and full of meet-and-greet.
Not this day.
This day I went through Gardiner and did my paperwork. Got a letter from the park supervisor for EDRs to meet him in the Canyon EDR at 3 - after I get my room and unpack and such. Ok. I get to Canyon and after chasing and looking and asking and being led I learn that the personell office is closed - and the personelle people for Canyon aren't even in the park! So I meet with Will (the supervisor) early. Say, ten ten-thirty. A thirty second "how's it going" later, I'm working. My manager isn't there, any of the people I'm working with. No one. I don't have a room, all my stuff is still locked away in my car.... It's just me and Will prepping the EDR for the real work. A few hours later my manager, Matt, shows up and joins in after another thirty second meet-and-greet. There is snow stacked up almost as tall as I am EVERYWHERE, but the doors are open to air the place out and fans are blowing. SO, in the jeans, shirt, and shoes - and luckily Chris' oversized hoody - that I started the day in, I'm on my knees cleaning and working from ten thirty ish on. We break for lunch. Sure. Matt gives me the ten scent tour since everything is connected. Our third person for the day shows up... SHE somehow has a room, with her matinence boyfriend. Somehow they know exactly where they'll room for the season.
Cutting a long story shorter, the end of the day was the other girl and I breaking down the EDR, Matt and Will having gone home already. I got a key to a temporary room around four oclock in the mens room of a dorm, that I hadn't seen yet. I spent all day on my feet - and knees I suppose - in shoes that weren't meant to actually work at all. I am tired and cranky and cannot bring myself to have an altogether hopeful outlook on life at the moment.
I'm sitting on the lower bunk of a bunkbed in a room where my key doesn't work so I can only lock it when I'm IN it - that doesn't worry me terribly though. I'm the only person in this side of the entire dorm. And I would love to look up at my boarded up window (protection from the snow that is up, I beleive, to the second story on this side of the dorm) and pretend I'm looking out at clear blue skies and bright shining snow and say hopefully to you and myself that "tomorrow is going to be another day and a new adventure" but I don't have enough hope to tell myself that that "new adventure" is going to leave me any more satisfied than this one did.
Today for dinner we fed a grand total of 16 people, including Matt, my other EDR person, and myself. And somehow, I'm the only one on this location that A - has never worked here before and B - not only doesn't know everyone there already, but doesn't know ANYONE there yet. I'm learning names and faces, and luckily everyone is pretty kind. However, it has been a long time since I've felt like this much of an outsider.
There is a huge part of me kicking myself for doing this. The entire reason for leaving OFI was to get a more southern position so driving out to see Chris would be easier. That didn't work out, this is a more northern area. And now I'm away from all my friends and all the comforts of home. I understand that part of what makes this SUCH an adventure is just that - I'm away from all my friends. They're not unreachable, they're just not there to see every day now.
I will try to maintain a positive outlook. I think once more people arrive - and more first timers - I'll feel less like a complete newbie and outsider. Maybe next time I just shouldn't pre-season. Right now I'm tired and dehydrated and wore out.... And I can't remember a single funny quote or story or anything from the day. Though I'm sure there were some.
I shall report back later. For now, I am going to sign off and read and sleep. I hope Mom doesn't worry about being unable to reach me. My phone is telling me it has no bars here, and my computer is telling me there is no internet to be had here. Maybe that will change too. I doubt it.
This is my third season. I've had a "check in day" twice now. For two different positions. They were both quite similar. Go through Gardiner and get your paperwork done, my first year I had orientation in Mammoth, but I don't HAVE to if I don't CHOOSE to now.... Continue on to your location, check in with personell and get a room. Unpack as much as possible until you need to report for work, eat, go home and unpack, explore, etc. Reporting for work is a mere meet and greet and perhaps a bit of paperwork. Then, the next day, "training". More paperwork, videos and tests and lectures.... Finally, someone signs off that you're capable of working in a kitchen and learning to do your job without killing yourself. Then you're handed over to your manager and you learn what you're going to be actually DOING for the next six months until you're contract is up, and you dig in. It's a bit like the first few days of school... predictable, slightly boring, and full of meet-and-greet.
Not this day.
This day I went through Gardiner and did my paperwork. Got a letter from the park supervisor for EDRs to meet him in the Canyon EDR at 3 - after I get my room and unpack and such. Ok. I get to Canyon and after chasing and looking and asking and being led I learn that the personell office is closed - and the personelle people for Canyon aren't even in the park! So I meet with Will (the supervisor) early. Say, ten ten-thirty. A thirty second "how's it going" later, I'm working. My manager isn't there, any of the people I'm working with. No one. I don't have a room, all my stuff is still locked away in my car.... It's just me and Will prepping the EDR for the real work. A few hours later my manager, Matt, shows up and joins in after another thirty second meet-and-greet. There is snow stacked up almost as tall as I am EVERYWHERE, but the doors are open to air the place out and fans are blowing. SO, in the jeans, shirt, and shoes - and luckily Chris' oversized hoody - that I started the day in, I'm on my knees cleaning and working from ten thirty ish on. We break for lunch. Sure. Matt gives me the ten scent tour since everything is connected. Our third person for the day shows up... SHE somehow has a room, with her matinence boyfriend. Somehow they know exactly where they'll room for the season.
Cutting a long story shorter, the end of the day was the other girl and I breaking down the EDR, Matt and Will having gone home already. I got a key to a temporary room around four oclock in the mens room of a dorm, that I hadn't seen yet. I spent all day on my feet - and knees I suppose - in shoes that weren't meant to actually work at all. I am tired and cranky and cannot bring myself to have an altogether hopeful outlook on life at the moment.
I'm sitting on the lower bunk of a bunkbed in a room where my key doesn't work so I can only lock it when I'm IN it - that doesn't worry me terribly though. I'm the only person in this side of the entire dorm. And I would love to look up at my boarded up window (protection from the snow that is up, I beleive, to the second story on this side of the dorm) and pretend I'm looking out at clear blue skies and bright shining snow and say hopefully to you and myself that "tomorrow is going to be another day and a new adventure" but I don't have enough hope to tell myself that that "new adventure" is going to leave me any more satisfied than this one did.
Today for dinner we fed a grand total of 16 people, including Matt, my other EDR person, and myself. And somehow, I'm the only one on this location that A - has never worked here before and B - not only doesn't know everyone there already, but doesn't know ANYONE there yet. I'm learning names and faces, and luckily everyone is pretty kind. However, it has been a long time since I've felt like this much of an outsider.
There is a huge part of me kicking myself for doing this. The entire reason for leaving OFI was to get a more southern position so driving out to see Chris would be easier. That didn't work out, this is a more northern area. And now I'm away from all my friends and all the comforts of home. I understand that part of what makes this SUCH an adventure is just that - I'm away from all my friends. They're not unreachable, they're just not there to see every day now.
I will try to maintain a positive outlook. I think once more people arrive - and more first timers - I'll feel less like a complete newbie and outsider. Maybe next time I just shouldn't pre-season. Right now I'm tired and dehydrated and wore out.... And I can't remember a single funny quote or story or anything from the day. Though I'm sure there were some.
I shall report back later. For now, I am going to sign off and read and sleep. I hope Mom doesn't worry about being unable to reach me. My phone is telling me it has no bars here, and my computer is telling me there is no internet to be had here. Maybe that will change too. I doubt it.
Third Year
Good afternoon all,
I have decided to take this back up. I have also decided to just continue this blog as long as I so desire to blog as opposed to starting a new one each year. That didn't make much sense when you all are so kindly following this one now.
As many of you know, this is my third year out. Which means there is a huge gap of time missing during my first winter (not spent in Yellowstone) all the way through my second summer IN Yellowstone and last winter also not in Yellowstone. A quick recap, I worked EDR cook (cook 3), got engaged, broke up, got a new boyfriend, finished my season, went home. Obviously it didn't happen that fast, but it did happen mostly in that order. Life goes on and I see no need to go into further detail on the past. I try to keep the future in front of me, not history.
SO I have been writing posts and saving them to my hard drive as I do not have internet so far in Canyon area. Therefore the posts I do present will probably come - at least for a time - in great quantities with a low frequency.
To start off in this post I would like to add a bit of starter information.
The previous two summers I was in Old Faithful. This year I'm in the Canyon area. I'm an EDR cook (cook 3). I got here three days ago - I think. My season ends in September, but I plan on extending and closing down the Old Faithful area as well. I also am strongly considering applying for a winter job. The Canyon area does not have cell reception for anything but Verizon, and as of right now does not have internet at all. Currently, I'm sitting in an Old Faithful dorm using the internet here.
So, on to the posts containing things that are, hopefully interesting. They shall be both chronicles of my days and experiences here as well as thoughts on life the universe and everything (thank you Douglas Adams for giving that phrase to the world).
I have decided to take this back up. I have also decided to just continue this blog as long as I so desire to blog as opposed to starting a new one each year. That didn't make much sense when you all are so kindly following this one now.
As many of you know, this is my third year out. Which means there is a huge gap of time missing during my first winter (not spent in Yellowstone) all the way through my second summer IN Yellowstone and last winter also not in Yellowstone. A quick recap, I worked EDR cook (cook 3), got engaged, broke up, got a new boyfriend, finished my season, went home. Obviously it didn't happen that fast, but it did happen mostly in that order. Life goes on and I see no need to go into further detail on the past. I try to keep the future in front of me, not history.
SO I have been writing posts and saving them to my hard drive as I do not have internet so far in Canyon area. Therefore the posts I do present will probably come - at least for a time - in great quantities with a low frequency.
To start off in this post I would like to add a bit of starter information.
The previous two summers I was in Old Faithful. This year I'm in the Canyon area. I'm an EDR cook (cook 3). I got here three days ago - I think. My season ends in September, but I plan on extending and closing down the Old Faithful area as well. I also am strongly considering applying for a winter job. The Canyon area does not have cell reception for anything but Verizon, and as of right now does not have internet at all. Currently, I'm sitting in an Old Faithful dorm using the internet here.
So, on to the posts containing things that are, hopefully interesting. They shall be both chronicles of my days and experiences here as well as thoughts on life the universe and everything (thank you Douglas Adams for giving that phrase to the world).
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Pics
The one they all come for. That's right folks - it's steam out of the ground!
Which is to say that that - as far as I can recall of course - is Old Faithful itself. Woo.
Home Sweet Home. Or... Home sweet Project Laurel Dorm...
Look at the moon!
Shelby. In a coon skin hat. Yes. I have a small collection ^_^
Bison. Literally reach your hand out of the car and touch the guy close. Yup.You get used to it.
Elk. Close enough to walk up to and pet. Close enough that you need to tell the kids not to step in the poo while you're picnicing... Young though, just a few weeks after I got there.
Please don't step on poor Nick's little sports car?
Shelby again. That picture kind of sums up his entire personality too.
Nick. The one with the sports car... That pic sums up his personality as well.
Miss Lindsay in the coon skin cap (told you I had more)
Elsa. She's short, she's cute, and almost everyone loves her.
Elsa's other half - The Wes. No I'm not sure why Wes is THE Wes, but he is.
The Wes taking a pic of me taking a pic of him. Yup.
Elsa, Lindsay, and I went to a Japanese place... Hence the noodles.
Heather, the day we dyed our hair - so the ends aren't yet pink (thank God)
Me, the day we coloured our hair. I know - gorgeous. ^_^
Heather, not feeling well. Wanting her pain killers and Mountain Dew. I opened the little packets of pills - she couldn't do it.
Kitchen peoples. From the right: me, Gwen, Sheri, Greg, Sway. On the bottom - Heather. Greg was my supervisor. And we love him. And he's short as Elsa, I think.
Benjamin. He took my position. I like Benjamin, he rocks.
Keith in the forefront and Kevin in the back at the grill. Oh - and that's the hotline... or most of it.
Keith, through the window. He's on the hotline, I'm on the servers side.
Alliya. First roommate. Hostess. This is her after work, not wanting me to take her pic. I think she looks fine.
Andrew. Sous Chef. 1 of 3 of them. PM, so I barely worked with him. Still cool.
Mary Ann. Strange woman, but that's ok. Worked with me in Pantry. Was a buffett runner
Heather and a few of my Asian girls...
Sway and me
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
LAST POST!
Ok, so most of you know well that I'm already home. This is my last Yellowstone post.
But I don't quite know where to start. So much to take in lately that I was lost in my own little world trying to hang out with Joey, Jordan, and Piper.
My dog died. It was almost the cherry on top. I almost broke down just there. Well, our dog. This goes to my family predominantly so yes, our dog. I thought about it so much before I got here. Considered asking but thought it sounded foolish "so how's the dog, is she still alive?"... Looks like I should have. I feel terrible I was gone, I didn't have that last time with her. At the same time I'm glad I'm gone, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. When I got home, for the last 24 or so hours I'd just taken it for granted. Nikki would be here when I got here. And she's just not.
Just below that is the hard time of seeing Michael just to leave him again. Two days approx. every 3 months. And sure enough next time I'll see him will be Christmas, I HOPE, which is approx. 2 and a half months away. He scheduled my planes home so he could see me off and say goodbye in the airport. Sweet thought, truly, but hard. It would have been so much easier, I like to think, if he'd left me Sunday evening for base, and I went to the airport Monday morning on my own. That way I'd have all Sunday night to cry and try to get myself together and such. But what's done is done. And I'm happy with how everything went, wouldn't change a thing. It's just that now it's all unloading so I cry for missing him, Nikki, everything. Every time I see him it gets harder and harder - not easier ever - to say goodbye, knowing I won't see him for another three months. He kept coming back for one last hug and I almost broke down in the airport. I cried VERY little - two or three tears max - in the airport, but I have MAD self-control skills.
Along with both of those things is leaving Yellowstone. I hated leaving all my friends there. All the people I'd never see again. Everything. How did Heather's date go? How are Sierra's plans forming? It's going to be a harder transition than I thought it was going to be, coming home and this whole life-style.
But I won't be depressing the entire night. On the upside I got to see my family. I got to see Jordan, and Joey, and Piper. Don't tell but Jordan is my favorite. I was kind of hoping it'd just be us so we could truly talk tonight, not the silliness of group stuff with the four of us. All well. I am home finally. I know that within a few days I'll be glad to be here. I just hate transition periods.
I really did get my tattoo. It's not like any of the pics because Sid - the artist that did mine - suggested a ompletely original work and I liked the idea and loved the picture. I have pictures taken but they're elsewhere. I MAY add one or two more posts of purely pics once I get them all up so that's where I'll put a picture of my tattoo. It didn't hurt super much. I did have to do some close-your-eyes-and-gasp-a-little to control the pain as much as possible, but still. You know how when you get slapped it kind of burns? Imagine that concentrated to where you can feel someone trace out a treble clef in that burning sensation. Yeah, that's kind of how it is. I think the worst of it is the knowledge that you can stop it at any moemnt but you CHOSE to do it to yourself. That you can't flinch or move under that pain, that you HAVE to sit there and take it, but you don't necessarily HAVE to, you CHOSE all of it. You know what I mean? and in all that it's all mind over matter, right?
Anyway, I'm beyond tired, so I'm going attempt sleep. Hopefully NOT until one though. Goodnight and I will probably talk back to you all some other time under a different blog title. Yup. Night!
~Cat
But I don't quite know where to start. So much to take in lately that I was lost in my own little world trying to hang out with Joey, Jordan, and Piper.
My dog died. It was almost the cherry on top. I almost broke down just there. Well, our dog. This goes to my family predominantly so yes, our dog. I thought about it so much before I got here. Considered asking but thought it sounded foolish "so how's the dog, is she still alive?"... Looks like I should have. I feel terrible I was gone, I didn't have that last time with her. At the same time I'm glad I'm gone, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. When I got home, for the last 24 or so hours I'd just taken it for granted. Nikki would be here when I got here. And she's just not.
Just below that is the hard time of seeing Michael just to leave him again. Two days approx. every 3 months. And sure enough next time I'll see him will be Christmas, I HOPE, which is approx. 2 and a half months away. He scheduled my planes home so he could see me off and say goodbye in the airport. Sweet thought, truly, but hard. It would have been so much easier, I like to think, if he'd left me Sunday evening for base, and I went to the airport Monday morning on my own. That way I'd have all Sunday night to cry and try to get myself together and such. But what's done is done. And I'm happy with how everything went, wouldn't change a thing. It's just that now it's all unloading so I cry for missing him, Nikki, everything. Every time I see him it gets harder and harder - not easier ever - to say goodbye, knowing I won't see him for another three months. He kept coming back for one last hug and I almost broke down in the airport. I cried VERY little - two or three tears max - in the airport, but I have MAD self-control skills.
Along with both of those things is leaving Yellowstone. I hated leaving all my friends there. All the people I'd never see again. Everything. How did Heather's date go? How are Sierra's plans forming? It's going to be a harder transition than I thought it was going to be, coming home and this whole life-style.
But I won't be depressing the entire night. On the upside I got to see my family. I got to see Jordan, and Joey, and Piper. Don't tell but Jordan is my favorite. I was kind of hoping it'd just be us so we could truly talk tonight, not the silliness of group stuff with the four of us. All well. I am home finally. I know that within a few days I'll be glad to be here. I just hate transition periods.
I really did get my tattoo. It's not like any of the pics because Sid - the artist that did mine - suggested a ompletely original work and I liked the idea and loved the picture. I have pictures taken but they're elsewhere. I MAY add one or two more posts of purely pics once I get them all up so that's where I'll put a picture of my tattoo. It didn't hurt super much. I did have to do some close-your-eyes-and-gasp-a-little to control the pain as much as possible, but still. You know how when you get slapped it kind of burns? Imagine that concentrated to where you can feel someone trace out a treble clef in that burning sensation. Yeah, that's kind of how it is. I think the worst of it is the knowledge that you can stop it at any moemnt but you CHOSE to do it to yourself. That you can't flinch or move under that pain, that you HAVE to sit there and take it, but you don't necessarily HAVE to, you CHOSE all of it. You know what I mean? and in all that it's all mind over matter, right?
Anyway, I'm beyond tired, so I'm going attempt sleep. Hopefully NOT until one though. Goodnight and I will probably talk back to you all some other time under a different blog title. Yup. Night!
~Cat
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