Today was my longest and most stressful day yet. So much so that I decided it was noteworthy.
I was to get in at five this morning. Unfortunately I woke late and got in at five thirty this morning. Luckily the AM sous, while he was testy with me at first, was understanding and knows it won't happen twice and we're okay. So I'm getting breakfast up. And Kevin Proper comes down to remind me that I had class that day. To which I FLIPPED OUT! Late twice within six hours. But everyone was kind to me at the class (of five students, myself included), and it went well. Except my stress levels skyrocketed at it being pizza day and me not being there and the primary cook not being there and my EDR lead not being there and the cook that WAS there - usually the prep only - has a tendency to break down over the stress and pressure of it all.
OH! And I nearly forgot. I didn't get breakfast because I was so rushed. I had a cup of milk. On my way up to class I got a cup of coffee, and during a ten minute break I got another one.
After class I managed to get two slices of pizza for lunch, but I as still starving of course.
During dinner I tried to put together my first schedule with the F&B manager, but my cook kept having breakdowns and I'd have to help her and talk her down basically. F&B finally just left - it was late in her day and she was supposed to be off two hours ago. The problem? She took the schedule with her - THE CURRENT SCHEDULE! Of course, I can't leave until I get it BACK! I go FRANTIC. Looking everywhere, trying to find it or her number or anything. Nothing nothing nothing. Finally I notice my red sharpie in the office. I use a red sharpie because it's the ONLY ONE in the kitchen. I KNEW it was mine right away. So the rest HAD to be there. Finally I found it - tucked behind the computer monitor. Why? I dunno. So finally - at 7:10 pm I find the schedule, dinner is done, I'm confident things will be okay, and I can leave. But first! I have to check with my Head Chef Katie because I'm written as having tomorrow off but we're NOT SURE if I really can have it. After a brief conversation it's decided I'll come in at eight tomorrow, and at that point we'll decide if I can have my one-day-weekend. My next day off otherwise will be Thursday. Luckily, when you're salaried, working six days in a row qualifies you for a three day weekend. Which is nice. But I'd rather take a break from the madness sooner than that.
Now I'm going to go shower and shave and head to the pub for dinner because I haven't had anything to eat today but those two (small) pieces of pizza. Coffee, lots of water, a few cups of milk, and a five hour energy have basically been what's keeping me alive. And I only got three or four hours of sleep - which is why I accidentally overslept I think.
AND my knife slipped in my hand and the heel of it punctured the side of my palm about an inch below my pinky finger... and yesterday the dish machine soap dispenser managed to slit my middle finger open a little. Just enough to make it pull painfully every time I try to open my finger all the way.
So yeah. That's my life right now. :) I love my job. I really do.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Pissing People Off
I've been on an anti-social reading binge this weekend. Been nice but reading has a tendency to make me want to write. Not that I'm good at it, but the urge remains. Therefore, taking a break at a chapter change in my book, I thought perhaps I would regale my poor hapless computer - and then anyone who reads this - with my first few days.
Mostly, with my first - and hopefully last - shift working with an AM line cook from upstairs who never belonged in a kitchen in the first place.
He has been ever so graciously giving the EDR four or so hours of his time doing prep for us. You see, shortly after the old EDR manager left, so did the old EDR primary cook. Michael stepped in and I love working with Michael. He's funny, rather smart, and a total sponge when it comes to learning. And he's completely ready and willing to work. Always with a smile on his face, that one. Alexis - I think is her name - has become our new prep cook and is generally one tough cookie who can crank out her shit. She also needs a lot of direction and training, but she's smart and willing to learn more. However, for four days a week, we only have one cook, as the other is on his or her weekend. That's where Jack steps in.
Now, I've been working F&B for only two full summers. This is my third season. In high school I teched for the theatre. After high school I worked as a file clerk and do-it-all at CFP. Those have been my only jobs in my LIFE. I'm only twenty one. Already, however, I understand that F&B - at least Xanterra F&B - REQUIRES you to work until the jobs done. They do NOT care about hours, so long as overtime is not achieved. They do NOT care if you're tired or your feet hurt or your back aches, as long as you do your job. And most cooks here in F&B already know that, especially returners! They stay or come back because they are willing to work within those parameters. Most of us actually THRIVE within those parameters.
Jack does not. To be blunt, and to speak as I do when I'm around cooks.... The one time I worked with him he was a whiny little bitch that needs to man up. He requires far too much micromanagement on all the stupidest things, and lacks most of the kitchen common sense befitting of ANY line cook, am or pm. EDR prep is not hard, and I doubt he could hack it, truly. I don't understand why he's a cook, but knowing that he's an AM line cook at the Obsidian Dining Room, I'm not ever having breakfast there unless I KNOW he's on weekend. Period.
And he, I think, shall be the first I truly piss off. I know I have started already. It was easy, so hey. Nothing that I wouldn't usually say or do. I would be willing to baby my cooks or crew, who are all rather green. But someone who claims to be a seasoned cook? And a "seasoned cook" - and a Xanterra returner! - bitching that "they wouldn't dare do this to us out in the real world! We'd be fully staffed and my hours would not be this crazy!" is just ridiculous.
He says he just needs time to learn how to deal with me, I'm hoping that he's deemed unneeded in my EDR before he gets the chance to "learn how to deal with me". And I'm glad he still can't quite figure me out. I don't want him to. There are people on this planet that SHOULD think I'm a bitch. Things'll just be better that way.
I suppose this complaining rant came primarily to my head because I've opted to finally finish Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential. I'm learning that the kitchens we work in are not so far off the mark from kitchens he's worked in.... Which means that Jack needs to wake up in the morning take a daily dose of Man and get the hell over it.
Thanks for listening to me bitch. :)
Mostly, with my first - and hopefully last - shift working with an AM line cook from upstairs who never belonged in a kitchen in the first place.
He has been ever so graciously giving the EDR four or so hours of his time doing prep for us. You see, shortly after the old EDR manager left, so did the old EDR primary cook. Michael stepped in and I love working with Michael. He's funny, rather smart, and a total sponge when it comes to learning. And he's completely ready and willing to work. Always with a smile on his face, that one. Alexis - I think is her name - has become our new prep cook and is generally one tough cookie who can crank out her shit. She also needs a lot of direction and training, but she's smart and willing to learn more. However, for four days a week, we only have one cook, as the other is on his or her weekend. That's where Jack steps in.
Now, I've been working F&B for only two full summers. This is my third season. In high school I teched for the theatre. After high school I worked as a file clerk and do-it-all at CFP. Those have been my only jobs in my LIFE. I'm only twenty one. Already, however, I understand that F&B - at least Xanterra F&B - REQUIRES you to work until the jobs done. They do NOT care about hours, so long as overtime is not achieved. They do NOT care if you're tired or your feet hurt or your back aches, as long as you do your job. And most cooks here in F&B already know that, especially returners! They stay or come back because they are willing to work within those parameters. Most of us actually THRIVE within those parameters.
Jack does not. To be blunt, and to speak as I do when I'm around cooks.... The one time I worked with him he was a whiny little bitch that needs to man up. He requires far too much micromanagement on all the stupidest things, and lacks most of the kitchen common sense befitting of ANY line cook, am or pm. EDR prep is not hard, and I doubt he could hack it, truly. I don't understand why he's a cook, but knowing that he's an AM line cook at the Obsidian Dining Room, I'm not ever having breakfast there unless I KNOW he's on weekend. Period.
And he, I think, shall be the first I truly piss off. I know I have started already. It was easy, so hey. Nothing that I wouldn't usually say or do. I would be willing to baby my cooks or crew, who are all rather green. But someone who claims to be a seasoned cook? And a "seasoned cook" - and a Xanterra returner! - bitching that "they wouldn't dare do this to us out in the real world! We'd be fully staffed and my hours would not be this crazy!" is just ridiculous.
He says he just needs time to learn how to deal with me, I'm hoping that he's deemed unneeded in my EDR before he gets the chance to "learn how to deal with me". And I'm glad he still can't quite figure me out. I don't want him to. There are people on this planet that SHOULD think I'm a bitch. Things'll just be better that way.
I suppose this complaining rant came primarily to my head because I've opted to finally finish Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential. I'm learning that the kitchens we work in are not so far off the mark from kitchens he's worked in.... Which means that Jack needs to wake up in the morning take a daily dose of Man and get the hell over it.
Thanks for listening to me bitch. :)
DDR - Dum Dum Revalation
Last night someone gave me some dumdums. Today doing laundry I've already gone through both. Dumdums are my favorite. They're SMALL which I like because I don't have a huge sweet tolerance, and I love suckers. Doing laundry today I was pondering just that. It's occurred to me I most certainly have an oral fixation.
People who have known me since childhood could vouch that I've always put everything in my mouth. My favorite necklace when I was younger with the hearts on it that fell off the bracelets Mom got me ALWAYS went in my mouth. Everything always goes in my mouth. I play with my lips and tongue when I have nothing else.
It's rather undeniable once I've thought about it. The irony is that most oral fixations surface as smoking or chewing gum. Neither of which do I do. I don't smoke because I can't do that to my lungs - though I admit to trying it a few times. I don't chew gum because it hurts my jaw after a time. I love dumdums because after the candy is gone I can hold onto the stick until it's wound paper substance disintegrates between my teeth.
I looked into it just briefly online just now. There's a Freudian theory that marks oral fixations as a psycho sexual issue. I'm not sure about that, but whatever. The funny thing to me was when I came upon a thread of answers to "how do I fix my oral fixation problem".... The best answer by far was one person saying that they used to be awful but now they have almost no problem at all - now that they've gotten their tongue pierced. Now there's something in the person's mouth 24/7 and they don't feel the urge to put anything else there.
Don't worry Mom, I can't get it pierced even if I wanted to. Not working in F&B for Xanterra. Which makes total sense. You can HAVE a pierced tongue and work for Xanterra in F&B but you have to put in a retainer at work - and you can't change your jewelry just after getting it pierced. So no worries. I'm not getting my tongue pierced.
I seem to have "problems" that aren't really problems coming to my attention out of the very woodwork this summer. I've already decided that all kitchen workers probably have undiagnosed ADD or something - all have attention span problems and fidgety hand problems. And god KNOWS I fidget. Now I've come to realize my probably apparent oral fixation. What's next I wonder? Last year I discovered my wanderlust "problem".
People who have known me since childhood could vouch that I've always put everything in my mouth. My favorite necklace when I was younger with the hearts on it that fell off the bracelets Mom got me ALWAYS went in my mouth. Everything always goes in my mouth. I play with my lips and tongue when I have nothing else.
It's rather undeniable once I've thought about it. The irony is that most oral fixations surface as smoking or chewing gum. Neither of which do I do. I don't smoke because I can't do that to my lungs - though I admit to trying it a few times. I don't chew gum because it hurts my jaw after a time. I love dumdums because after the candy is gone I can hold onto the stick until it's wound paper substance disintegrates between my teeth.
I looked into it just briefly online just now. There's a Freudian theory that marks oral fixations as a psycho sexual issue. I'm not sure about that, but whatever. The funny thing to me was when I came upon a thread of answers to "how do I fix my oral fixation problem".... The best answer by far was one person saying that they used to be awful but now they have almost no problem at all - now that they've gotten their tongue pierced. Now there's something in the person's mouth 24/7 and they don't feel the urge to put anything else there.
Don't worry Mom, I can't get it pierced even if I wanted to. Not working in F&B for Xanterra. Which makes total sense. You can HAVE a pierced tongue and work for Xanterra in F&B but you have to put in a retainer at work - and you can't change your jewelry just after getting it pierced. So no worries. I'm not getting my tongue pierced.
I seem to have "problems" that aren't really problems coming to my attention out of the very woodwork this summer. I've already decided that all kitchen workers probably have undiagnosed ADD or something - all have attention span problems and fidgety hand problems. And god KNOWS I fidget. Now I've come to realize my probably apparent oral fixation. What's next I wonder? Last year I discovered my wanderlust "problem".
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Life, is what happens when you make plans.
I went for a drive tonight. I love going for random drives, enjoy the scenery, try not to get burned... At any rate, eventually I neared the familiar group of hot springs and geysers that you can see from the road that marks your proximity to the OF location. They've always looked to me like a battlefield, even when one is going off.
As I watched the steam rise, I had a completely unexpected thought out of nowhere.
"Well, this isn't where I expected life to take me"
Now, don't misinterpret my words. I love my life.
However.
My life was "supposed" to pan out so differently. Right now, for instance, sitting here in bed writing this up, I theoretically 'should' be hours ahead - I can't remember the time difference just now - in Japan probably fast asleep. I was supposed to be looking for a job in Japan, preferably in food and bev, married to a Marine, settling into a new house/apartment.
Life, however, is what happens when such plans are made. Look at me now.
Broken up with my Marine fiance, still in Yellowstone, working in Food and Bev - and AS A MANAGER no less, happily in love with a man I never thought I'd get on with very well at all, lying in a dorm room typing this thought out.
Who could have possibly guessed? I don't think my life has taken any entirely unpredictable turns, but it certainly isn't where I thought I'd be. I feel quite young and think that this is a good place for me and that I have plenty of time to 'get out there' and get my diner and such. And I have more faith that it'll happen now than ever before.
It's just an interesting contemplation. For instance, anyone who is reading this, stop and take a moment. Perhaps your life HAS gone directly as planned. In which case, good for you. Or perhaps your life has taken a turn off your predetermined beaten path and you're out flying by the seat of your pants with your "plan" left to the wind. In which case, good for you. But nonetheless. Take a moment. Think back to the last time you remember having a "life plan" - going to college for something, getting married, making a big move in life, whatever. Go back to that and, I wonder, has it turned out like planned? Or is it better? Or is it worse?
Interesting contemplation, eh? If a more or less useless introspective moment....
As I watched the steam rise, I had a completely unexpected thought out of nowhere.
"Well, this isn't where I expected life to take me"
Now, don't misinterpret my words. I love my life.
However.
My life was "supposed" to pan out so differently. Right now, for instance, sitting here in bed writing this up, I theoretically 'should' be hours ahead - I can't remember the time difference just now - in Japan probably fast asleep. I was supposed to be looking for a job in Japan, preferably in food and bev, married to a Marine, settling into a new house/apartment.
Life, however, is what happens when such plans are made. Look at me now.
Broken up with my Marine fiance, still in Yellowstone, working in Food and Bev - and AS A MANAGER no less, happily in love with a man I never thought I'd get on with very well at all, lying in a dorm room typing this thought out.
Who could have possibly guessed? I don't think my life has taken any entirely unpredictable turns, but it certainly isn't where I thought I'd be. I feel quite young and think that this is a good place for me and that I have plenty of time to 'get out there' and get my diner and such. And I have more faith that it'll happen now than ever before.
It's just an interesting contemplation. For instance, anyone who is reading this, stop and take a moment. Perhaps your life HAS gone directly as planned. In which case, good for you. Or perhaps your life has taken a turn off your predetermined beaten path and you're out flying by the seat of your pants with your "plan" left to the wind. In which case, good for you. But nonetheless. Take a moment. Think back to the last time you remember having a "life plan" - going to college for something, getting married, making a big move in life, whatever. Go back to that and, I wonder, has it turned out like planned? Or is it better? Or is it worse?
Interesting contemplation, eh? If a more or less useless introspective moment....
Captain's Log - Day One
Today was my first day as EDR Manager. It was successful I believe. But it was... odd. I felt a very strange combination of being full of purpose and ideas and such along with being completely obsolete and useless and unnecessary.
I understand that I'm not useless and obsolete, but it's a different perspective from the sidelines. I spent a year and almost a half as a quarterback. Front line defense, the person people came to, the person who DID it all. Now I'm the coach, watching from the sidelines, and no matter how close I get to the action, I'm still just the coach. I hope this feeling will change. I know I'm smart enough and have enough answers to BE the one people come to and the front line defense again. I just need to convince these people I'm here to help, not take charge. And I think that is a difficulty they and myself are having. I am trying hard to help without stepping on too many toes, to do my job without getting in the way of them doing theirs. They, I think, are still unsure if I'm here to be a good manager or be in the way. I know when I get a new manager after I'm settled into a job I'm weary. I know how to do my job and I don't need managed - especially in a kitchen micromanagement is basically a BAD thing even.
I think for all these issues time will tell. They will either work themselves out or I will be a disliked - but effective - manager. I did not come here to be liked, I did not come here to be popular. I came here to do my job and to make this EDR better. I may be nervous and I may be anti-confrontational, but I WILL do my job, come Hell or high water.
Other than that strange feeling I think things went well. Will Standage was around and seemed pleased with how I was learning and seemed highly confident in my abilities and the way I was handling things.
It's funny, people kept saying it was a "total shitshow down there" and such... But really they've been carrying on fairly well in the absence of a manager. They did just have a cook quit so now we're down to just poor Michael learning to cook as he was thrown into it from a prep's position and has never done it before, but he seems to be a fast pick-up. But that didn't seem to daunt any of them. They're still bravely carrying on. And really I think the Canyon EDR in the first few weeks was more of a shitshow than this is. I think we'll be fine.
I simply think that I need to kind of "prove myself" to the crew. Make them believe in me, otherwise I'll be like Matt. For all I like Matt off job, he's a highly disrespected manager who is almost a hindrance to the EDR he's supposed to be managing.
I have faith. I think that's the most important right now. I have faith that by the end of the season I will be running a smooth and efficient and clean and organized EDR. "Just finish strong" Will keeps saying. Finish the season strong. Don't burn out, don't go lax, don't give up. NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!!!
Any rate. I think I'm gonna hit dinner. I kind of want to get out of the park. Who knows. I'll probably just have dinner here. Eh.
I understand that I'm not useless and obsolete, but it's a different perspective from the sidelines. I spent a year and almost a half as a quarterback. Front line defense, the person people came to, the person who DID it all. Now I'm the coach, watching from the sidelines, and no matter how close I get to the action, I'm still just the coach. I hope this feeling will change. I know I'm smart enough and have enough answers to BE the one people come to and the front line defense again. I just need to convince these people I'm here to help, not take charge. And I think that is a difficulty they and myself are having. I am trying hard to help without stepping on too many toes, to do my job without getting in the way of them doing theirs. They, I think, are still unsure if I'm here to be a good manager or be in the way. I know when I get a new manager after I'm settled into a job I'm weary. I know how to do my job and I don't need managed - especially in a kitchen micromanagement is basically a BAD thing even.
I think for all these issues time will tell. They will either work themselves out or I will be a disliked - but effective - manager. I did not come here to be liked, I did not come here to be popular. I came here to do my job and to make this EDR better. I may be nervous and I may be anti-confrontational, but I WILL do my job, come Hell or high water.
Other than that strange feeling I think things went well. Will Standage was around and seemed pleased with how I was learning and seemed highly confident in my abilities and the way I was handling things.
It's funny, people kept saying it was a "total shitshow down there" and such... But really they've been carrying on fairly well in the absence of a manager. They did just have a cook quit so now we're down to just poor Michael learning to cook as he was thrown into it from a prep's position and has never done it before, but he seems to be a fast pick-up. But that didn't seem to daunt any of them. They're still bravely carrying on. And really I think the Canyon EDR in the first few weeks was more of a shitshow than this is. I think we'll be fine.
I simply think that I need to kind of "prove myself" to the crew. Make them believe in me, otherwise I'll be like Matt. For all I like Matt off job, he's a highly disrespected manager who is almost a hindrance to the EDR he's supposed to be managing.
I have faith. I think that's the most important right now. I have faith that by the end of the season I will be running a smooth and efficient and clean and organized EDR. "Just finish strong" Will keeps saying. Finish the season strong. Don't burn out, don't go lax, don't give up. NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!!!
Any rate. I think I'm gonna hit dinner. I kind of want to get out of the park. Who knows. I'll probably just have dinner here. Eh.
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